I photoshopped out all the goose caracases because it was too gross.

Today, dozens of Iraqis were killed by car bombs geese were found mysteriously dead in Keizer Lake, Oregon [it was a difficult choice -ed.]. The lake has been the site of repeated goose die-offs which have puzzled officials and provided locals with something to worry about besides their staph infections.

Oregon Department of Fish and Wildlife official Brad Bales spent the day picking up the dead birds and touching them, but still isn’t sure why they died, or how he had ever believed that being a Department of Fish and Wildlife official was a “fuckin tight” job.

But in this American Idol, user-generated era of Webbery 2.0, a number of Keizer Lake residents have their own theories about what happened to the geese, including Debbie Lowery:

Lowery, who has lived near Staats Lake for five years, said it’s hard to fathom why the prime bird-watching setting has become a recurring place for geese to die. “Maybe it’s a cemetery lake, I don’t know,” she said.

I think this is a good theory since science tells us geese have complex cultural practices like burial. Brad Bales ought to check with the goose City Council to see if the Keizer Lake is zoned as a cemetery lake. Maybe he shouldn’t have moved the little floating headstones with goose-writing on them. The fact that there was a little gate around the lake made of twigs and lily pads might have been a hint, too. Another theory along this line is that the geese were victims of a terrorist act and Keizer Lake is maybe a 9/11 lake. You know, like a 9/11 for geese.

I like Lowery’s other observation, too, because it’s about science and coal mining:

“We feel kind of like it’s the canary in the coal mine,” Keizer resident Debbie Lowery said. “It’s a sign to me that something in our ecosystem is not quite right.”

Lowery then took a drag of her cigarette, hoisted her shotgun and headed toward the local coal mine. “Now I gotta take care of some canaries,” she said.