People always say, “Hope for the best but prepare for the worst.” I say, stop being so pessimistic! Hope for the best and prepare for it! For example, when I go on a two week backpacking trip the best thing I could hope for is to meet a cute girl and have sex with her in front of a warm fire. That’s why all I pack is condoms. Sometimes I bring a fire extinguisher too, because maybe the fire gets out of hand. Also I bring a gun in case the condom breaks and I find out the girl has AIDS and now I do to. Then I can just end the whole business right there in the woods.