Death.

It looks like I made a terrible error in mocking the Oregonian’s hysterical storm coverage last week. A deadly error. The Oregonian is reporting five deaths from last weekend’s Monster Destruction Typhoon 2007, and had I known that the storm would bring such horrific loss of life I would never have made light of it.

KIDDING. Not only would I have made fun of the storm–I am going to make fun of the dead people right now.

Please take a look at these first four “storm deaths”:

• Doris Hart, 90, of who lives alone in Tillamook, died Sunday night or early Monday morning, apparently from a heart attack. Hart was found Monday morning in front of her home in Southeast Tillamook.

• A 90-year-old woman from Warrenton was found dead in her home, apparently from falling and striking her face, said Dr. JoAnn Stefanelli, the Clatsop County medical examiner. The woman, who lived alone, was found Tuesday by her son.

• Laura Steyaert, 73, of Tierra Del Mar died while clearing storm debris Wednesday from the property she shared with her 78-year-old husband. Raymond Steyaert Sr. accidentally struck his wife as he drove from their home. Investigators said he thought his wife was in their home when he pulled away in the family’s pickup truck.

• A 58-year-old Nehalem man who was helping his daughter and son-in-law clear away debris from their Gearhart home died of an apparent heart attack Wednesday afternoon. The man, whose name hasn’t been released, was helping to remove downed trees when he began to complain of being tired. He collapsed while sitting in the cab of a truck.

No here’s the last storm death:

• Teresa Marie Hurliman, 54, of Cloverdale was swept away Monday when her truck became stuck in the raging Nehalem River near Shiffman and Miami Foley roads. The river had swelled and overtaken its banks across the roadway when she became stuck.

Notice a difference between the first four and the last “storm deaths”? How about the fact that the first four were old people who keeled over from heart attacks or were too decrepit to stand up anymore, while the last had her life violently snuffed out by nature’s deadly power? Um, OK.  At first glance, it seems that anyone who died during or slightly after the storm counts as a “storm death” for the Oregonian.

HOWEVER: I did some in depth research and found details that suggest those first four were legitimate “storm deaths,” too. Check it out:

Doris Hart, 90, of who lives alone in Tillamook, died Sunday night or early Monday morning, apparently from being sucked up into a massive waterspout and spit two-hundred feet in the air. Hart was found Monday morning in front of her home in Southeast Tillamook. Her home has yet to be found.

• A 90-year-old woman from Warrenton was found dead in her home, apparently from falling and striking her face, said Dr. JoAnn Stefanelli, the Clatsop County medical examiner. The woman, who lived alone, was found Tuesday by her son skewered by a 22-foot telephone pole.

• Laura Steyaert, 73, of Tierra Del Mar died while clearing storm debris Wednesday from the property she shared with her 78-year-old husband. Raymond Steyaert Sr. accidentally struck his wife as he drove from their home. Investigators said he thought his wife was in their home when he pulled away in the family’s pickup truck in a desperate attempt to escape the onrushing tsunami, which was caused by the storm.

• A 58-year-old Nehalem man who was helping his daughter and son-in-law clear away debris from their Gearhart home died of an apparent heart attack Wednesday afternoon. The man, whose name hasn’t been released, was helping to remove downed trees when he began to complain of being tired. He collapsed while sitting in the cab of a truck. Then the truck blew up, because of the storm.