You will never date anyone so good-looking, so why even try?

Everyone thinks that the only thing that matters when dating is appearance, which is true. But it’s actually a lot more complicated than simply dating the best-looking person you can find without taking anything else into consideration. Thing is, I can tell you from personal experience that the best-looking person you can find will not actually be very good-looking. Now you’re constantly having to explain to people why you’re dating such a homely girl. It definitely gets tiring.

This is why I’ve stopped trying to date attractive women altogether. These days I only go out with women who are what my friend calls “pretty from far but far from pretty” (PFFBFFP). That is, if you saw this woman from maybe across a large lawn or the deck of a cruise ship you would find them really attractive. But as you draw closer, they become proportionally less attractive until you finally realize that they’re hideous. Usually there is something subtly but horribly wrong with their appearance. Maybe the woman has a tooth protruding from her cheek, or eyelashes growing from her lips. Stuff like that.

If the whole point of dating is to find a really good-looking person to have sex with, why do I date these people? Well apart from the fact that they’re really, really easy to pick up, dating a PFFBFFP woman offers an easy excuse for why you’re dating an unattractive person–which you would probably be doing anyway. For example, you can come up with an interesting story explaining why this person has such a strange appearance. Usually, my stories involve a wild animal attack followed by experimental skin transplants and a long road to recovery. You can then explain that you were attracted to this freak because of their courageous life story plus feeling bad about all the shit they had to go through. You’ll come off looking pretty good, and so will your girlfriend (not literally, haha). Now, no one will hassle you about dating an unattractive person.

One final note: Never use the “I was attracted to her personality” excuse for explaining why you’re dating an unattractive person. No one buys that shit.