“NO, MOM, MY FACE WILL NOT GET STUCK LIKE THIS!!!”

Blogosphere, I have a dilemma. Before this week, I was satisfied with my decision not to see “300.” This is not my kind of movie, I thought. This is a kind of movie for meatheads, child-molesters and stunt motorcycle drivers. But how much changes in a week! It started with this awesome review. Now, like a cadre of half-naked body builders, “300″ has swept through the Battle of Thermopylae of my heart, beating back with furor the equally-naked Persian horde that was my ambivalence to the movie and replacing it with a dozen naked, serpentine hotties of desire (to see “300″). I almost feel that it’s my duty as a man. Everyone has been asking me “have you seen ‘300′?” When I say No, I sense their gaze drop–just for a second–to my groin area. And I get the feeling that my prosthetic testicles just aren’t cutting it anymore. The technological advances needed for larger, more realistic fake balls are at least three years away, and that’s a lot of years for someone to have their manhood doubted. Blogosphere, should I just give in and see “300?”

REASONS TO SEE “300″:

-My mom kind of already thinks I’m gay.

-Relevance to current events in the Middle East (see last post).

-Naked hotties.

REASONS NOT TO SEE “300″:

-Local cineplex has a thin, sticky film on all the seats.